


Bar Etiquette and Copyright Concerns

by DJClawson



Series: Theodore Nelson's Adventures in Sharing a Workspace [21]
Category: Daredevil (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Avengers Sex-ceptions, Endgame what Endgame, Everyone Is Poly Because Avengers, F/M, Homosexuality, M/M, No Endgame Spoilers, Not Canon Compliant, infinity war what infinity war
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-02-16 07:51:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18687250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DJClawson/pseuds/DJClawson
Summary: I knew when I mentioned the Thor calendar I was going to have to write this one.





	Bar Etiquette and Copyright Concerns

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nell](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nell/gifts), [raven_aorla](https://archiveofourown.org/users/raven_aorla/gifts).



> Thank you to LachesisMeg for her beta work!
> 
> Other notes: While I try to keep to a general chronology in my head of when these events happen specific to this series, I am not even going to begin to try to fit it into the MCU timeline. These characters are just around, okay? Which is how the Netflix universe seems to work anyway.
> 
> Theo sure has come a long way! Amazing what a semi-healthy relationship will do for you.
> 
> I'll be off working on a longer fic, but if you want to see something filled in the meantime, you're welcome to leave a comment about it. Otherwise, enjoy!

This was how Theo wound up at a bar, alone, with his future sister-in-law.

Matt, Foggy, and Karen - or some combination of two out of three - invited him out for drinks plenty. Not every night, not even most nights, but at least a night or two a week. He didn’t always say yes when he had bookkeeping to do, but it was nice to be invited. And Karen was growing on him. She never mentioned Frank, but now that he knew that Frank existed, and was Frank Castle, and hadn’t freaked out about it, she seemed to trust him more  _ in general _ , and he figured she must have a hell of a backbone to handle Frank Castle. (Yeah, so he had some Punisher porn on his computer. What of it? He was only human.) 

He still didn’t know that much about her life before coming into Matt and Foggy’s - she was from Vermont, she was Protestant, and she didn’t have a lot of family or want to talk about them - but that didn’t matter. And she had a car. It probably cost her more to park it than he paid to rent his apartment. And the CD changer still worked. That was some fancy living. She never asked how things with Matt were going, which was nice, because he had enough people trying to get every detail about his relationship out of him whether they knew it was Matt or not. 

Foggy pretended to be absolutely fucking oblivious to this, and maybe he was, but Theo suspected Karen and Marci didn’t like each other very much. They didn’t keep a respectful distance the way Marci and Matt did, always throwing jibes at each other when it was safe. It was more like they were still sizing each other up. None of this was Theo’s business, of course, but he was around them a lot, and one was practically his coworker, and the other his future in-law, and both of them had at one point thought about dating or sleeping with Matt. (“Look, it was college,” Matt had said. “Nothing counts in college.”) Look, he got that Matt was attractive, but come on. Boundaries, people.

So there was a lot of Karen disappearing when Marci showed up, even though it was never too obvious, and Karen did very much have a life and a boyfriend. So nobody said anything and maybe Theo was the only one who noticed. And Matt, who did a good job of pretending never to notice anything. 

On this particular evening, Marci came down to midtown at what was a very reasonable hour for her to get out of work, Karen was already out the door, and Matt heard the cry of the city calling him or whatever nonsense he would say in Theo’s head when he ducked away for the evening, so Foggy invited Theo to go out with them. It was Friday, and Marci announced she was buying, so hell yes he would go - she wouldn’t drink at Josie’s unless she absolutely had to, so they ended up in SoHo, in one of the few decently rowdy bars squished between massively overpriced restaurants for foodies where the chef took asking for an uncomplicated salad as a personal insult. 

Several mixed drinks in, Foggy got a call. “Um, I have to pick up Matt. He’s not sure where he is. He just knows that if you start a fight on a train, you should get off it before it starts moving. Or, he knows that now.”

“He can’t call Danny? Danny doesn’t have a personal shuttle service for people willing to put up with him?” Marci asked.

“I don’t think he has that many numbers preprogrammed into his phone,” Foggy said, referring to the burner. “I’m sorry. I gotta go.”

“Go rescue your soulmate from the horrors of the MTA,” Marci said, and because she was pretty loaded, Theo nodded to Foggy, indicating that he would stay and get Marci home. Which meant  _ he _ had to stop drinking, or at least slow down, which was how he ended up at the bar, nursing a Guinness in a place too loud for conversation, and the bartender was hot and definitely not straight but damnit,  _ he had a boyfriend now _ . And Marci left to find a bathroom, a quest that looked like it would take at least twenty minutes, and with all of the noises Theo barely even noticed the start of the Thor look-a-like contest.

“Oh fuck,” he said, very unsure if this was a good or bad development. When the bartender looked at him, he said, “Thor is my Avengers sex-ception.”

“Team Cap,” the bartender said. “But he’s a close second. So you can stay.”

“What would I have to say to get thrown out of here?”

“A lot of people have Loki as their problematic faves.”

“He’s not even an Avenger!”

The bartender shrugged and went to answer the screaming women at the other end of the bar and take their order. 

Theo told himself he wasn’t going to watch, and that he had plenty of things to distract himself with on his phone, but man, the crowd was full of bad judges throwing dollars into the wrong jars.

“Don’t say anything,” Marci fake-whispered to her him when she reappeared, “but I voted for the guy who just tore his shirt off. I mean, for effort.”

“It didn’t look like it took him a lot of effort.” Also, the guy had a spray tan - on his chest. “He’s  _ orange _ . Either he knew this was happening tonight or he’s a douche.”

“This is gonna make you hate me, but normally, I’m Team Iron Man.”

“Someone’s gotta be.”

“Oh shit - I see someone I need to ask to be my bridesmaid!” Marci said. “I gotta do this. Or I’ll forget all about her. Then we can go.”

“Okay.” Theo had nowhere to be. And, you know, Thor look-a-like contest. Maybe a few too many screaming women in one room, but he could handle it. 

Spray-tan guy won. Theo couldn’t believe it. Yeah, he was stacked, and yeah, he had torn his shirt off, and yeah, he was clean-shaven, but he had a blond goatee, not a beard.

“He should have been disqualified for that,” said the guy who sat down next to him, and Theo realized he might have said it outloud. “The whole contest was very unfair.”

“I didn’t vote for him,” Theo said to someone who was obviously one of the contestants, and probably hadn’t gotten very far because he was still wearing his shirt and jacket. “He wouldn’t have even qualified to model for the Thor calendar.”

“That calendar was not in keeping with copyright laws,” the fake Thor said, “and you know the torsos were photoshops?”

“Of course I know they’re photoshops!” he shouted. “Thor has better things to do with his time and his nipples don’t change from month to month. Let me have my fantasy!”

Fake Thor accepted a large beer from the bartender. “I only entered the contest for this free drink. Not for my own vanity.”

“You didn’t even make it to the final round,” Theo pointed out. “Your roots are all dark. Though, if I had been voting, I would have voted for you.”

“Why didn’t you vote?”

“Kinda felt bad about being here in the first place. My boyfriend says he’s cool with my celebrity crush, but I don’t know if he actually is.”

“But he abandoned you for the evening anyway?” Fake Thor downed like half the growler in a single gulp. 

“He got lost on the train. And he had a - thing to do. That’s important to people.” 

“That’s an extremely convincing reason,” fake Thor responded. “I am very convinced.”

Theo put his head down on the bar. “Shut up.”

Fake Thor slapped him on the back. “If you wish to make him jealous, I could always pose for a photograph. If you wouldn’t mind one with a runner-up.”

“Won’t help. He’s blind.”

“I have been counseled against leaving voicemails,” fake Thor said, “but I’m happy to make an exception.”

Theo gave him a once-over, and said, “Okay.” Not that it would be very easy to hear. “You’re going to have to shout.” He started dialing Matt’s regular phone, which was probably not on him.

“What’s his name?”

“Matt.”

“Matt,” fake Thor repeated. When they got through Matt’s generic voicemail, he shouted into the phone, “Matt, this is Thor Odinson, and I am very disappointed in you for abandoning your boyfriend on such a fine night. I hope you come to regret it and apologize. Also, if there are any legal concerns about me making this call, Loki did it.” He knew the button to press to end the call. “Sorry. I had to deal with that once. And my brother is very mischievous.”

“Your brother is a winner!” said another fake Thor, the one who won the contest. He approached the bar holding a baseball trophy with a hastily-taped ‘best Thor’ note on it and wearing a plastic crown on his head. “I said I could do it.”

“I said the spray tan was a little much.”

“Clearly you were mistaken,” Thor 2 said. “And I am king because of it!” He glared at Theo when he noticed Theo glaring at him. “Oh, don’t tell me you’re also Team Thor!”

“And I don’t think you make a very good Thor!” Theo shouted over the din, which made Thor 1 laugh. 

Marci chose this moment to make her appearance, dumping an empty martini glass on the bar. “Okay, I’m hiring you both for my bachelorette party.”

“Oh, he’s  _ forbidden  _ to go to those,” Thor 2 said, pointing to Thor 1. “By your own Midgardian, all-seeing Odin. Why he listens, I have no idea.”

“Ignore my brother,” Thor 1 said. “We should go.”

“They’re  _ brothers _ ,” Marci whispered to Theo. “Theo, I’m being tested.”

“Trust me, we’re both being tested.” Theo finished his beer. “Pay the tab, Mrs. Foggy Nelson.”

“He’s taking my name and that’s that,” Marci said, but put her card down on the bar. By the time everything was processed, they walked down the front steps together, where there was a pleasant rush of cold air. Thor 1 and Thor 2 were arguing on the street. 

“I told you I could win!”

“I told you the shirts stayed on! Have a little dignity!”

“The contest was your idea!”

“Hey! Thors! You’re both losers,” Marci said, grabbing Theo’s arm. “Because we’re both taken by better men!”

Thor 1 got a kick out of that, and Thor 2’s expression dissolved into hatred - and then his hair turned black, and his muscles disappeared, and it was just a Goth-looking guy in a spray-painted Burger King crown that didn’t fit on his head. 

“Don’t be a spoilsport!” Thor 1 said, holding up his umbrella. “Say hello to your beloveds for us!” 

And in a flash of lightning, they both disappeared into the sky.

Marci grabbed Theo’s arm with both of hers, this time to steady herself. “I’m really drunk, right?”

All Theo could say was, “Fuck, I should have gotten the picture!”

  
  


Much later that night - well into the morning, in fact - Matt was his good-natured self and just said, “So all that and you didn’t get his number?”

“Don’t rub it in.”

 

End


End file.
